


Diet's Not a Big Enough Word

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Loki Has Issues, M/M, Self-Harm, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-01-25 13:38:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1650563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki had always counted his happiness in calories. Never was he happy if he ate too much, because it reminded him of the days he was bullied for that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Compulsive

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a multi-chaptered fic, but I am choosing to write it chapter by chapter on here, so it might come along a little slowly at times.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki was treated like a prince, but he didn't feel like one at all.

Loki had always had a problem with food and his self-esteem.

It had all started when he was a young little boy - he was fussy and undernourished from his unwillingness to eat the baby food his "parents" tried to give him. Frigga assured Odin that he was just a picky eater and that it was just a phase that would taper off when he got a little older. She was right; in fact, she was more than right.

When Loki had turned 11 years old, he began to break out of that phase and enthusiastically ate more than he ever had as a baby. At first, he was healthy, his eyes bright with the youthful glee of being a child. Then, he began to be more interested in sweets than fresh greens and fruits. He started to prefer cookies over apple slices, chocolates over green beans, and gummy candies over spinach.

By age 14, Loki was 10 pounds overweight, and he had become known to the other kids as "Lardy Loki." They'd push him into lockers he didn't fit into, laugh when they tripped him and he fell down on his face, and constantly ridicule his appearance. Little did they know, his binge eating was emotional eating, and he'd cut himself after school whenever they made him cry and mocked his tears.

He wasn't as bad as he could've been, but he still despised himself. That's when he learned that he could eat just as much as he had, while not gaining any more weight. In fact, he was amazed and overjoyed to discover that he could even lose weight by just throwing everything up.

Now, at age 15, Loki was 5 pounds underweight from overexercising to counteract his excessive eating. He would go on runs before school, do his homework in study hall, and then go to the gym after school to use the elliptical. The endorphins from the exercise made him feel euphoric at first. However, he quickly became exhausted. He began to nod off during in classes, only prompting the laughter of his classmates further. When he returned from the gym, he collapsed on his bed after nearly falling asleep in the shower. That would've ended disastrously, but at this point, Loki didn't really care if he lived or died. In fact, the latter seemed more favorable. 

The change did not go unnoticed by his mother, who was at first confused by how her son dropped all of the weight and then a few more pounds, all while still eating the same amount that caused him to gain weight earlier. Then, she seemed to realize what was going on, and knocked on Loki's door.

"Sweetheart, I need to talk to you about something. You're not in trouble; don't worry."

An intervention, of course. Loki sighed and got up from his bed to open the door. Quickly, he realized that he wasn't in the best state to be talking to his mother, especially considering what he sensed she was going to finally confront him about. With how pale his skin was and the uncontrollable trembling of his hands, he looked like death warmed over and toasted on a s'more. Just the very thought of calorie-filled desserts like s'mores made him feel sick. "What do you want?"

Ignoring her son's snippy attitude, Frigga stepped into the room, frowning at how messy the bed was. It looked like it hadn't been made in days, and she was surprised to see that it seemed Loki had been doing absolutely nothing before she entered. Depression was smothering Loki, and she knew it all too well, but all of the medications she had heard of might as well have been weight gain pills with how much they messed with patients' metabolisms. Though she hated to see her beloved son so miserable, the thought of making him even unhappier by letting him put on weight from pills that were supposed to be helping him made her shudder.

"Loki, I've heard you throwing up in the bathroom," Frigga says, doing the same worried gesture Loki often did with his hands when he was anxious. "You eat just as much as you used to, yet you've been losing weight and looking sicklier than ever. What is wrong, dear? Please tell me. You know I will not judge you."

"Nothing's wrong with me," Loki grits out, clenching his teeth. She had caught onto what was going on behind the closed bathroom door after meals and the "snacks" he had in between, and now he was never going to get out of this. "I'm just stressed from school. Tests to take and papers to write, you know. Leave me alone. I'm just tired and I need some rest without anyone bothering me."

"Don't lie to me," Frigga sighs, putting her hands on Loki's shoulders. "Although you may be a good liar, you can never lie to me. Are you doing this because of the kids at school? Please, do not be so secretive. I can sense these things; it's a mother's instinct and now that I understand what's going on, you won't be able to keep things from me for much longer."

Loki wanted to scream at that moment. He never thought anyone would notice, though he prayed to no one and begged for somebody to notice that he was dying on the inside. "Fine, I'll tell you. But please don't tell Dad or Thor. Actually, don't tell anyone, okay? I was so sick of everyone calling me fat, just like I was and still am, so I started throwing up after I binged. It felt good when I realized I could have all of the food I wanted without getting any fatter, and it just became a habit. I'm sorry, but I can't stop now, and I don't want to stop anyway."

At this, Frigga cried and hugs Loki in her arms in an embrace that was so tight purely from wanting to make sure he didn't slip away from her.


	2. Thanks For The Attention, But No Thanks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony meets Loki, and his entire world is flipped upside down. But he's not quite sure if he should stick to the ceiling with his new friend or fall to the floor out of fear that his classmates would have something new to tease the other boy about.

Tony always had to push his way through the crowded halls of Stark High School. It was named for his father, a man who would rather spend his time in the basement working on technology of all kinds than play catch with his son. It was childish for the teenager to wish to play a game younger children would enjoy with their parents, but Tony had been neglected of such simple pleasures ever since he was four years old. At that time, his mother died in a car crash, and a nanny began to take care of the young, hyperactive kid that Howard Stark never called his son. Her name was Lily Caldwell, and she had a kind boyfriend named Jarvis. Jarvis was an intelligent young man with neat black hair, friendly blue eyes, and a smart sense of humor that Tony grew to love. The pair would always make Tony's favorite dessert, strawberries with whipped cream, whenever he felt upset. Whether it was over a kid picking on him at school or a scrape on his knee, Lily and Jarvis would ruffle Tony's brown hair and give him the strawberries while they watched Disney movies with him. His favorite was about the girl with magical hair, and Lily would always sing the songs with him.

Smiling as he reminisced, Tony nearly tripped someone in the hallway on accident. He scrambled for an apology, quickly catching his textbooks in his arms. When he looked up at the student he nearly keeled into the floor, he seemed to fall into a trance for a couple moments. The boy appeared to be at or around his age, maybe a little older by the sharp features of his face and his broad shoulders. He had black hair that fell a little below his chin, defined cheekbones, and the brightest, most intelligent sea-green eyes Tony had ever seen.

"I-I'm so sorry," Tony stammered. "I didn't mean to trip you; it's just that these hallways are so crowded. You know, a big school with kids who don't know how to walk quickly like productive members of society. What's your name?"

"Get the hell away from me," Loki growled, practically snarling like a wolf at the stranger. "Are you really lonely enough that you bump into strangers in the halls of this wretched prison the superintendent calls a school and introduce yourself? I'm going to be late for my literature class, and the teacher will kill me if I end up tardy again."

"Well, Get The Hell Away From Me is an awful name for a child," Tony joked. "Your parents must've been out of their minds when you were born."

An amused smile threatened to quirk up the corners of Loki's lips, but he quickly suppressed it and went back to his defensive stance and expression. "Oh, so you're a smartass as well as an idiot. If you really must know, my name is Loki. Loki Odinson."

Performing a fist-pump in the air at Loki's reveal of his name, Tony grins at his new acquaintance. "I'm Tony - Tony Stark."

"Oh, so you're the son of that famous Howard Stark," Loki drawls, rolling his eyes. "I should have known with your cockiness. Now, please get away from me before I smother you."

"With those delicious lips, or with your jacket?"

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, because the next thing he knew, Tony was slapped in the face. Hard.

"Geez, Loki, you're sure good at playing hard to get," Tony mutters, rubbing the red mark Loki left on his face with his hand. Despite his skinniness, his new friend seemed to really pack a punch. Or at least he thought Loki was his friend. He didn't really know yet - he tended to move fairly quickly when it came to calling people his friends. Perhaps it was because others often only saw him as the son of Howard Stark and nothing more. To many people his age and to some adults as well, he was simply an extension of the man, maybe even a reflection. Tony always shuddered at the thought of this, because he'd rather be a blob of green slime than be compared to his father. Sure, he inherited the inventor's intellect and part of his looks, but he liked to consider himself the only invention separate from his father's workshop - the only invention that the man didn't care about.

By the time Tony snapped out of his musing, Loki had gone, as if he had disappeared in a flash of smoke.


	3. You're Stuck With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony joins Loki for lunch and starts to put some pieces together concerning the latter's behavior.

School the rest of the day was seemingly endless for Loki, as it usually was. At least in study hall, things were quiet and he got to focus. But lunch was a nightmare. He couldn't binge and purge at school, because that would garner even more negative attention from his peers. Instead, he skipped breakfast, restricted his eating at lunch, and stuffed himself with food afterschool only to jam his two fingers down his throat. No one noticed these things in a guy, after all - at least not at Stark High School. To the student body and the authority there, only girls could have eating disorders. A girl doesn't eat at lunch, and she's put on an eating disorder watch. However, if a guy does the same thing, no one pays attention or cares, which was the only reason Loki could get away with his disordered eating so easily. Well, as easily as he could while still crying after a binge and feeling bile rise in his throat at birthday parties when the cake was brought out. Not that anyone invited him to any parties, because no one wanted to hang out with the "weird fat kid".

For the past month, a few saltines and a small cup of applesauce were his safe foods for lunch. If he went through the cafeteria line, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself from loading up his tray with the most unhealthy, calorie-dense foods from the options. A shuffling of sneakers in his general direction snapped him out of his self-loathing thoughts, and Loki nearly groaned out loud with a dramatic roll of his eyes when he saw it was Tony.

"What are you doing here?" Loki hissed. "Can't you see I'm trying to eat in peace without your incessant prattling distracting me?"

"Distracting you from what? Staring at the wall blankly?" Tony quipped. "You're sitting alone."

"Yes, I am sitting alone, Captain Obvious. Just as I do every day. It is nothing new. Now leave me alone."

"Geez, Lietunant Sarcasm, you have the strangest way of showing fondness," Tony grinned, sitting next to Loki at the table. He noticed there was graffiti on the underside of the space where Loki sat at, and his smile fell.

The writing was from other students, and included basically every insult in the book. The usual things a teen like Loki would get called for not being like all of the jocks were there: "pussy", "fag", "bitch", and the like. But one particular word stood out to Tony: "fat." Who the hell was calling Loki fat?

"Who calls you fat?" Tony asked, his eyebrows raised in disbelief. "You don't look like that to me, and why would it matter if you did?"

Loki outright glared at Tony as if he was a cat and his new acquaintance was a dog that wouldn't stop barking. "It does matter because it's true, you moron! And everyone calls me it. Everyone. Don't try and act like you understand, because you don't. You'll never understand. And believe me, you wouldn't want to anyway."

"Everyone except me," Tony responds, his voice oddly calm and level for someone who just got yelled at. "And people are jerks, okay? I'm a jerk even at my best of moments. They probably just call you these things because they have nothing else better to do. Is that why you're eating so little for lunch today?"

No, hell no. Loki wasn't going to answer that question truthfully. How did this hyperactive teen have him figured out so quickly? Maybe that's why he couldn't stand him - they were quite similar. "No, it is not. And I usually don't eat very much for lunch. It's none of your business, okay? Now would you just leave me alone already? I've been alone for a long time, and I've dealt with it just fine! I don't need someone just walking in and deciding they can invade my privacy."

"Nope, I'm not leaving you alone," Tony sighed. "You're stuck with me until the grave. And even as a skeleton, I'll probably be asking you at 3 AM about how they make green Jell-O green."

Loki couldn't help it, really. He started laughing - at first it was just a little chuckle, but then it turned into full-blown laughter that made his sides hurt and his eyes water.

Tony started laughing too, because he found out that Loki's smile was one of the most wonderful things he had ever seen.


	4. What Did I Do Wrong?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony invites Loki to his house. At first, it goes well. Then, things get a little tense.

The next day, Loki began to seriously restrict his eating. He started skipping breakfast and lunch entirely, but forced himself to eat a small portion of his dinner so his parents wouldn't get any more suspicious. Then, he put in more time at the gym. Exercising until his muscles were sore and every single part of his body practically screamed in pain meant he was tired all the time. Still, he couldn't feel anything but pleased with himself when his clothes started to get looser after a week of his routine.

Tony kept coming to sit with Loki at lunch. They chatted and made each other laugh, but Tony couldn't help noticing how tired his friend was starting to look. He saw that Loki didn't even bring a lunch anymore, so he offered whatever he didn't eat. Loki never accepted the food, and Tony began to look at the insults scrawled on the underside of the table and worry. However, he never mentioned it out of fear that Loki would snap at him and grow to hate him. Which probably wasn't the best thing to do, because Loki kept losing weight. He was looking thinner and more exhausted each day, and Tony had no idea what to do.

So, Tony decided to stage an intervention. Inviting someone over was a friendly thing to do, so hopefully that friendliness would balance out the hard feelings Loki might have against him after the confrontation. Or so he thought.

Loki groaned rather melodramatically when he heard his phone ring and saw Tony's caller ID on the screen. That was becoming a regular occurrence whenever Tony walked up to him, called him, texted him, or started talking to him. Not that he didn't like Tony's company - he just hated people worrying about him.

"What is it?" Loki asked, doing his best to stretch while still holding his phone to his ear. He got interrupted during the middle of a nap he was taking due to being so tired, so he was sure that he would be rather snippy with Tony. Just as he was with anyone who interrupted him when he was in the middle of something.

"Do you want to come over to my house?" Tony said.

"Ugh... fine," Loki sighed. "Just give me five minutes. I need to make myself look presentable."

Loki hung up the phone, brushed his hair, and changed into a long-sleeved T-shirt and jeans. He was lucky it wasn't hot outside, because he needed to cover his scars so Tony didn't freak out. Then, he got on his bike and traveled to Tony's house. It was a rather large home with a well-kept lawn and a charming garden. He rang the doorbell and waited until his hyperactive friend opened it.

At first, the visit was entertaining. Tony's caretakers were kind and funny, and they treated Loki well. Loki and Tony watched comedy shows and played a board game. Now that they'd had some fun, Tony figured it was time to make his intervention. Though his mind screamed at him that it was a bad idea and he should turn back before it's too late, he lead Loki upstairs to his room and sat down on the bed with his friend.

"Loki, I'm getting worried about you," Tony stated. "Lately, you've been getting thinner, and you look pretty skinny right now."

"Thank you," Loki replied.

"That wasn't a compliment," Tony gritted out. "I mean you look the unhealthy kind of skinny. You look tired all the time, I see you struggling to stay awake often, and you haven't been bringing a lunch. And if I try to make sure that you at least eat something, you turn me down. What's going on with you? Is this because of what people are calling you? They're morons, okay? This is high school. People like to be jerks just for the fun of it. By doing this, you're just showing that their insults are hurting you. You're giving them what they want. Isn't that something you're not supposed to do when you're being bullied?"

"Why do you care?" Loki asked. "No one cares about me. No one would care if I killed myself like everyone tells me to do. I'm worthless just like everyone says I am. Could you just stop worrying about me? I hate people worrying about me! It's just stupid, because then I get guilt tripped."

At that point, Tony wanted to yell at Loki to see if he could get anything through his skull. Instead, he took a deep breath and looked his friend straight in the eye. "I care about you, and I care about you because I don't want to see you hurting yourself like this. For a second, I thought you were starting to get happier. But then you started skipping lunch, and I just saw whatever light that went into your eyes go right out. Please just eat something at lunch for me, okay? I don't care if it's just a cup of yogurt, just eat something for me. Please?"

"I told you to stop worrying about me!" Loki snapped, clenching his fists. "You can't tell me what to do, and you can't force me to do anything. If I don't want to eat, I shouldn't be forced to eat! It's that simple. I don't have a problem. You know what the problem is here? You think there's something wrong with what I'm doing. There is nothing wrong with me! Now just leave me alone, damn it. And don't tell anyone about this!"

Loki stormed out of the room, leaving Tony to wonder what he did wrong.


	5. Hate Me So You Can Finally See What's Good For you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigyn finally sees Loki again, but when she sees how miserable he's become, she almost wishes she never came to his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating this in so long. I was super busy, and things happen. I know these have short chapters, so this might have many short chapters instead of an average amount of longer chapters. This chapter will probably be very short, because I have a bad case of writer's block today.

_[ [ What's going on? I haven't seen you in forever. Are you okay?] ]_  
Loki sighed as he stared at the text from Sigyn and tried not to aggressively caps-lock _[ [ I'M NOT OKAY YOU IDIOT.] ]_ Sure, he owed her more than just the world - probably every galaxy except for the supermassive black hole parts, he thought. Wait, that wouldn't theoretically work. Maybe all the nebulae instead. Still, he couldn't help but grit his teeth at the smiling face of her contact photo.

In the picture, Sigyn wore a flower crown Loki had made for her as a joke. He didn't know she'd love it genuinely - or wear it almost everywhere. After a while, she became known as the pretty flower girl because of her skill for elaborately braiding the fake flowers into her hair. It always made him smile to think about the time when they were out for lunch and a little girl sitting next to her dad said she saw a flower princess and pointed to the table directly across the room. At least it used to make him smile - now it just makes him seethe and hold back tears.

_[ [ You're crying, aren't you? ] ]_

Well, if that wasn't some stalker shit right there, Loki didn't know what it was. But when he looked outside his window, he didn't see his friend there.

_Oh, so now she's like Slenderman teleporting all over the place, isn't she? ___

__The phone rang, and that's when Loki lost it. He screamed and screamed as he began to cry. He didn't want her to see him in this state. To cover up all of the self-inflicted cuts on his arms, he would need to change from his short-sleeved T-shirt into a long-sleeved shirt. Unfortunately, all of his long-sleeved tops were in the wash, and he groaned when he realized this._ _

___[ [ I'm on my way. Please don't tell me you started cutting yourself again. ] ]_ _ _

__Loki thought. _How the hell does she know all of this? How would she even sense it?__ _

___[ [ I'm right at your house in your driveway. Actually, at your door. Come downstairs and open the door please._ _ _

__Hesitantly, Loki headed down the stairs and opened the door for Sigyn. She looked pretty as usual - in fact, she looked beautiful, and that made him want to cry because of how gorgeous she looked and how ugly he felt. _Why do I have to be so fat?_ Loki thought, tearing up again. He wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall, and put on a fake smile for his friend._ _

__"Hi," he greeted. "It's been a while. How have you been?"_ _

__"I've been okay," Sigyn said, stepping inside. "I feel like you haven't been very cheerful lately."_ _

__Loki sighed, once again hating how she seemed to have a sixth sense about these things. He could be 500,000 miles away and he'd bet that she would still be able to sense if things were wrong. "I've been just fine. I don't know why you'd say that."_ _

__"Well, maybe it's because you look like you've been crying," Sigyn replied. "And you look really skinny."_ _

__"Thank you," Loki grinned, feeling satisfied and pleased that he appeared thin. However, he still felt like he was fat, but he was proud that someone saw him as skinny. Maybe he could skip lunch entirely and have nothing for breakfast and dinner to lose more weight and get even skinnier. He had a slight feeling that he was becoming obsessed with his weight, but he decided to ignore it. It was just a diet, right?_ _

__"I meant it in a concerned way, and the way that you just thanked me is kind of scary. You look unhealthily thin. Almost skeletal, actually. Have you been eating enough lately?"_ _

__"Yes, I've been eating enough," Loki snapped. "And how much I eat is none of your business. It's just a normal diet. Don't worry about me."_ _

__Sigyn sighed, pursing her lips in a frown. She crossed her arms, now looking a little pissed off. "Tell me the truth. How much have you been eating? Don't lie to me."_ _

__"I've just been dieting," Loki responded. "I've been skipping breakfast, eating very little at lunch, and eating only small portions of dinner. I've lost a ton of weight, and I've never been happier."_ _

__"If you're so happy, why did you start cutting yourself again?" Sigyn asked, pointing to the cuts on Loki's arms. None of them, even the past ones, were deep enough to leave scars, but they were a dark red that stood out against his pale skin. "I thought people usually made those when they were depressed. Stop lying to me. It's easy to see that you're miserable. You're depressed and you don't want to admit it."_ _

__"I'm not depressed!" Loki said angrily. "Why does my weight concern you? Why does my cutting concern you? It's none of your damn business!"_ _

__"It concerns me because I'm your best friend, you idiot. And it is my damn business if you're starving yourself. Even if you're eating a little, it's not enough."_ _

__"Would you just shut up and stop worrying about me? I don't care what the hell you think - I'm not going to eat more just because it concerns you that I don't eat enough according to you."_ _

__"You know, I used to be fond of you," Sigyn seethed. "I really did. But now you don't care about anything except your weight! You obsess over it and starve yourself. Pretty soon, you'll be starving yourself to death. And you know what? I won't be there. I won't drag your ass to the ER, because if you don't care about me, I shouldn't have to care about you. This is the last straw, you bastard. I hate you!"_ _

__"Well, I hate you too!" Loki yelled back. "And hate me all you want, because I don't fucking care what you think. It's just a normal diet. I'm fine. I'm not going to starve myself to death. I'd hang myself before I starved to death. I like that I'm losing weight, and I plan to lose a lot more. I hate being so fat. I just want to be skinny. I don't see how that's such a bad thing."_ _

__"You're not fat. And if you wanted to be skinny, you got your wish. You're as thin as a rail. I don't care what happens to you anymore. You can starve yourself to death for all I care. Goodbye, Loki. Thanks for the memories, and good riddance."_ _

__With that, Sigyn walked out the door, and Loki was left alone to cry over the loss of his best friend._ _


	6. I Came Out Here to Have a Good Time and I'm Honestly Feeling So Attacked Right Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony visits Loki to try and talk sense into him. Loki puts up a fight, and it ends in some bloodshed.

_I have a whole bottle of pills and a knife in my hand. Come over if you even care about me, because I have a feeling that you don't._

What the hell was Loki doing? This was Tony's immediate thought after he read the text. Why was he considering suicide? Loki seemed depressed, yes - well, at least Tony presumed he had depression but just was undiagnosed - but why did he think his life was worth ending? And why did he think Tony didn't care?

Tony's thoughts begin to reel as he types a long text to Loki.

_[ I don't know what the hell made you consider killing yourself, but don't act on it. Life's worth living. There's puppies, kittens, chocolate cupcakes, cheesy movies, and lots of other good stuff. You're not worthless. You have potential. Why would you kill yourself before you got into college and maybe got married? This won't last forever. You can get better. I know you can. Put those pills away, put that knife away, and please stay away from anything sharp. And don't get a gun or anything. Just stay away from anything that you could use to kill yourself, okay? After that, if you still feel suicidal, you can come over to my house for ice cream and pizza and a funny movie. ]_

_[ I can't eat ice cream. I'm too fat for that. I can't eat anything. I'm too fat for that too. Why do you even bother to care about me? There's no point in caring about me. I'm worthless, fat, stupid, and annoying. Stop worrying about me. You have enough on your mind. Why should you stress yourself over someone who doesn't even matter? ]_

_[ You're not fat, damn it. You're really skinny. You actually need to eat more unless you want to starve yourself to death. And you probably want to do that. To answer your question, I care about you because you're my friend. And I can't stand to see anyone suffering like this. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're fine just the way you are. There's no need to lose weight. Speaking of that, have you considered that you most likely have anorexia? ]_

_[ I'm not anorexic. Fuck you. Why would you say that? I'm just fine. It's just a normal diet. I can handle myself, and I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help. And I don't need to get help. ]_

_[ Don't get angry at me. I was only trying to help, but apparently that backfired pretty badly. Look, I think I can recognize that you have an eating disorder just by looking at the way you act. You're depressed, so you isolate yourself, which makes you only more depressed. You've lost a ton of weight, but you still think you're fat. You have these weird food rituals when you do eat - you cut everything into tiny pieces but barely eat any of it, and you push the leftovers off to the side with your fork so it looks like you ate more than you really did. You restrict your eating, and you constantly leave my house telling me you need to go for a run or exercise. You're terribly afraid of gaining weight, and you obsess over losing it. And you're obsessed with counting calories and eating only anything that's low-fat when you do eat, which isn't very often. Please, just come over. ]_

_[ Fine. But don't make me eat anything, or I'll fucking kill you. I hate you. ]_

_Well, that was a cheery conversation,_ Tony thought.

Loki was at Tony's house in a matter of about 15 minutes. When he opened the door for his guest, Tony saw that Loki was obviously pissed. His eyes were narrowed, his fists were clenching, he was gritting his teeth, and he had a dangerous look in his green eyes.

"Whoa, why are you so pissed off at me?" Tony asked, starting to back away when Loki came inside. "Please don't kill me. I still need to get my high school diploma. You look even skinnier, by the way. Like scary skinny. It's not a compliment; it's concerning."

"I'm pissed off at you because I don't need help and you're trying to give it to me," Loki grit out. "After I told you to shut up and stop worrying about me!"

"Well, you didn't tell me the shut up part."

That smartass comment earned Tony a strong punch to the face, and the next thing he knew, his nose was bleeding profusely. Loki shoved him up against the wall, so he pushed back and shoved Loki away. But Loki was strong, despite his skeletally thin appearance. The two broke out into a full-blown brawl, hitting each other and kicking one another.

When Loki delivered a painful kick to Tony's crotch, Tony got pissed.

"Why the hell do you have to be so stubborn?" he yelled. "You're not fat! You've never been fat since I met you, damn it! Stop being so obsessed with losing weight. You're freaking emaciated, your eyes are glazed and almost lifeless, and you're even paler than usual. Doesn't this put up any red flags?"

"No, it doesn't!" Loki yelled back, shoving Tony away. "I'm perfectly fine! I told you a thousand times that it's just a normal diet. Get the hell out of my life! I don't need anyone, especially not you!"

_Wow, that hurt._

"Fine," Tony said through clenched teeth. "I won't worry about you. I won't talk to you until you see the light. But if you still hate me when you almost die, I won't be there for you. And trust me, I'll want to be there for you, but apparently you won't let me."

Loki punched Tony in the face again and shoved him out of the house.

_Well, that didn't go so well._


	7. Are You Okay? No, I'm Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's actions finally hit him and blow up in his face.

The next thing he knew after he left and had gone home, Loki was coughing up blood.

"Dear," Frigga calls, "time for dinner! Come on down here, kjaereste, I've got an Ensure for you and roasted chicken and garlic red potatoes, your favorites!"

Frigga rushes upstairs after seeing Tony's text with a picture of how tired and skinny Loki looked when he was angry at his house. "What is going on? Heavens, Loki, you're so skinny! And you're coughing up blood!"

Getting a tissue from her pocket, she yells for her elderly husband. "ODIN! Quick, I think Loki's dying!"

Loki starts to vomit up blood, and the next thing he knows, sirens are blaring and ambulance and police car lights are flashing a blinding white sequence of red, white, and blue.

He wakes up in a hospital, and gasps when he sees himself in the mirror. His skin is ashen, and his cheekbones and the sides of his temples are prominent and deathly, dangerously sharp. He looks... dead. Living dead, in fact what the cat dragged in and so many other idioms and adjectives, along with so many unnecessary conjunctions and adverbs.

"What's happening? Wait, no... what happened? Where am I?"

A friendly, brown-haired male nurse taps him on the shoulder, making him flinch and yelp. "Hey, my name's Dave. I'll be your conselour and nurse for the time being. Do you know your name?"

"No..."

"Dammit, then you've got a pretty bad case of amnesia. You know, bud, you hit your head pretty hard when you fell and passed out; there were some pretty big knots on your head and you were bleeding really badly from your brain and skull. You're lucky you're not dead. We had to hook you up to so many tubes, including an IV and a feeding tube."

"A feeding tube?!" Loki yells, screaming and thrashing around. "What the hell were you thinking?!"

Cautiously and just the tiniest bit startled, Dave raises his hands, just below his head. "Hey, hey, little bro, no need to freak out. It's a nasogastric feeding tube - you'd freak out if you pulled it up and up and out."

"Wonderful."

"Let me know if there's anything you need," Dave sighs, rolling his shoulders and cracking the joints in his neck.

Loki screams internally when he hears a slightly metallic ping as he receives a group text from Natalia "Natasha" Alianovna Romanova, Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, and Sigyn Freyrdottir.


	8. Where'd He Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frigga visits Loki in the hospital and tries to convince Loki that she cares. Tony, Bruce, Natasha, and Sigyn do the same.

Tony's part of the group text read: _[ [ Hey, it's Tony. Hearing about what happened to you scared the hell out of me. I hope you get better. ] ]_

As for the rest of Tony's friends, they all had typed and sent supportive messages and "get well soon"s that made Loki feel almost guilty. _They actually care about me,_ he thought. _What have I done?_

Loki typed a reply: _I'm sorry for scaring you guys. I'm physically okay right now. Not mentally, but I guess I'll get there sometime._

 _[ [Thank God ] ],_ Natasha replied. _[ [ We were really worried about you. Look, if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. ] ]_

Loki actually smiled at that text, but he set his phone on the end table of his hospital room. He couldn't take the guilt he felt any longer.

For the rest of the morning, Loki took a nap until someone woke him up. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and felt yet another pang of guilt when he saw his visitor was his mother.

"Hey, sweetie," Frigga greeted. "How's my dear doing?"

"Alright, I guess," Loki replied. "I'm sorry for scaring you."

"It's not your fault that your anorexia took over," Frigga assures him. "Yes, I wish you had taken my help, but I'm not going to blame you for making me worried. You don't need any more stress on your shoulders."

"Anorexia? I thought only girls got that."

"No, it's not exclusive to girls," Frigga said. "It's only mostly girls that develop it, but there's no doubt that boys sometimes have it too. Your medical doctor here diagnosed you with it. You're going to need to go through a lot of therapy so something like this doesn't happen again. Oh, honey, I wish this wouldn't have gotten this bad..."

Frigga gave Loki a tight hug, frowning at how she could feel his prominent ribs pressing into her skin. "Stay strong for me, Loki. I don't know what I would even do if I lost you. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, but I just can't stop worrying about my son. Thor is worried about you, too."

"Is he really?" Loki asked, eyes widening. Never did he think that his brother was concerned about him - he always assumed that he only cared about athletics and friends.

"Of course he is, darling. Your brother loves you, even despite how envious and bitter you can be towards him. He couldn't stop crying when I told him you were in the hospital. Oh, there's a knock on the door. I think your friends are here to see you. Goodbye, sweetie. I'll see you again soon."

Giving Loki a loving kiss on the forehead, Frigga walks out of the room as Bruce, Natasha, Sigyn, and Tony enter.

Natasha and Bruce were carrying books to keep Loki occupied, Sigyn nervously held a folded-up piece of paper, and Tony held a leather-bound notebook.

"How are you doing?" Bruce asked Loki. "Nat and I bought some books for you so you're not bored being bound to a bed. And Tony's got a nice surprise for you. Sigyn, why don't you give your note to him?"

Hands shaking and palms sweating, Sigyn unfolded the piece of paper and set it on Loki's lap. It read:

_Loki, I'm sorry for being such a bitch. I know I was a jerk and you might not forgive me for that, but I really regret the way I acted. Instead of supporting you, I only made things between you and me worse. It's just that you're my best friend and I couldn't take seeing you suffer so much, so I got mad and acted like a total idiot. I hope you accept my apology._

"Yes, I do," Loki said, a sad smile gracing his lips. "We're cool. And thank you so much for the books, guys. It's so boring being stuck in this bed. Hopefully I can gain enough strength to stop being bound to it soon. What's the journal for, Tony?"

"Just open it," Tony smiled. "I hope you'll like it."

Tony passed the journal over to Loki, and Loki opened it. On the first page was a stick-figure drawing of Tony and Loki frolicking through flowers, and it made Loki smile. He turned the page, and found the start of a list titled: _100 Reasons Why Loki is Awesome_. The first page read:  
 _1\. He rocks longish hair._  
2\. He has an even more sarcastic sense of humor than me, which is saying a lot.  
3\. He has the coolest green eyes. Seriously, they're hypnotic.  
4\. Loki is named Loki. I like that name.  
5\. He's awesome at writing poetry, and somehow manages to do it without being a hipster douchebag.  
6\. He comes up with the best jokes.  
7\. Damn does he look good in leather.  
8\. He has the best smile I've ever seen.  
9\. He's a fast reader.  
10\. He's able to do the funniest impressions.

Loki started to cry happy tears, hugging the journal to his chest. "Thank you so much, Tony. You really do care."

"Of course I do, silly," Tony smiled. "Promise me you'll read through the rest of it."

"I will," Loki said, feeling more loved than he ever had in his life.


	9. The Path to Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki starts getting better with both professional help and Tony's compassion.

Loki was on the feeding tube for a week before his stomach could manage regular food again. When he had to have his first meal, he cried out of fear, but he succumbed to his hunger soon enough. He had daily sessions with Dave and saw his medical doctor twice a week. Tony visited him as often as possible, which Loki appreciated greatly despite how overly concerned he thought his friend was being. Though he was still too weak to get out of bed and walk, Loki was slowly getting better as each day passed. One day, Tony came in with a box covered in green wrapping paper that had a black bow tied on top of it. Loki smiled at the colors Tony chose - they were his favorites.

"Come on, open it," Tony grinned. So Loki did, and he couldn't help but smile too at what was inside the box.

The box held a sketchpad, artist quality pencils and colored pencils, and a teddy bear. Everything was neatly packed inside, and Tony even thought to cushion everything with glittery green tissue paper.

"Nat told me you like to draw," Tony said. "And the teddy bear is to comfort you when you get upset."

"Oh, thank you!" Loki exclaimed, pulling Tony in for a hug. Tony's eyes widened in surprise at first, but then he relaxed into the hug.

"That's the first time you've hugged me," Tony laughed. "I'm glad you like it."

It took three months, but Loki managed to recover from his anorexia. Though he cried when he first started to gain weight back, talking in therapy helped him accept that he needed to get to a healthy weight. Tony began to visit him every day, always bringing something small to cheer Loki up when he did. Loki soon had amassed a collection of rubber ducks and containers of Play-Doh in all the colors of the rainbow.

Though his body wasn't done maturing yet, Loki was now at a healthy weight. He wasn't as buff as his school's football players, but his body held sinewy muscle on his lean frame. Tony noticed and appreciated the changes in Loki's body, but couldn't bring himself to confess his feelings.

Loki got discharged from the hospital, and he swore that he had never seen Thor look so happy as he did when his brother came home. He pulled Loki into a tight bear hug while Frigga and Odin smiled at the display of brotherly love. Soon, Loki got caught up with schoolwork just in time for Christmas break so he didn't need to do classwork over the holidays.

Loki spent Christmas Eve at Tony's house, marvelling at the decorations and the beautiful Christmas tree. Under that tree, Tony prepared to say what he was meaning to for a while.

"I have a question," Tony announced, his heart beating faster in apprehension when Loki nodded as permission for him to say it. "Are you, um... are you dating anyone right now?"

"No. Why is that?"

"Well, I've always found you... interesting," Tony said. "Not in a bad way. Actually, in a good way. You're really smart and you look gorgeous right now, and I love your sense of humor. I guess you could say I'm attracted to you. But then again, you're totally out of my league."

A blush rose to Loki's face, betraying how flustered he felt. "I've never heard of someone finding me attractive. That's really nice of you. I just don't know what to do with that information. Well, I do, but I'm scared to do it."

"Then I dare you to do whatever it is you want to do," Tony replied with a smirk. "Double dare, actually."

"You bastard," Loki laughed before he pulled Tony into a kiss.

Tony couldn't believe it - Loki was kissing him. Loki's mouth was hot and tasted of mint, and Tony felt as if he was drunk as he relaxed into the kiss. He ran his fingers through Loki's silky black hair and wrapped his arms around Loki's waist. Loki gasped, and the sound made Tony ache to cause him to make such a noise again.

"Merry Christmas," Loki grinned.

"And a happy new year," Tony replied with a smile.


	10. Things Are Looking Up For The Both Of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Tony feel hopeful that the future will be a good one.

"So, are you my boyfriend or not?" Tony asked with a smile as he sipped hot chocolate with Loki under the Christmas tree.

"I don't know," Loki said, smirking playfully. "I thought you were straight."

"You're an exception. And I always thought you were asexual."

"No, I'm bisexual," Loki replied. "Though I've never really dated anyone."

"Never?"

"Never. So... how about I become your boyfriend?"

"Sounds great," Tony grinned before kissing Loki again. The taste of hot chocolate made the kiss sweet and hot, and Loki couldn't stop himself from letting out a pleased little moan. The sound triggered something primal in Tony, and he kissed Loki harder, relishing in the involuntary moans and gasps that came from him. Loki nipped at Tony's lip, and understanding what the other boy wanted, Tony lightly bit Loki's thin lips as he made the kiss rougher.

Soon, Tony and Loki were both panting and erect. They gazed at each other for a moment, the heady feeling of attraction making them feel drunk in the best way. Loki began to get undressed, but Tony quickly stopped him.

"We're in the living room," Tony said. "We could get walked in on."

"Your guardians are sleeping," Loki replied as he took his shirt off, revealing an ivory canvas of lean muscle. "And I think it'd be pretty kinky to fuck under the Christmas tree."

They did just that, and after they were clothed again, Loki followed Tony up to his bedroom and cuddled him lovingly.

"You know, I think we make a nice pair," Loki whispered.

"Me too."

Loki smiled at Tony, and Tony smiled back knowing that things were going to be alright.


End file.
